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The Truth About Winners & Losers

What makes a winner and a loser and what is the difference between the two?

I don’t believe in this concept of winners and losers. It’s an idea held by the same people you have allowed to influence you your entire life. There is no such thing as a loser. There are only those who understand and those who are yet to discover themselves. It’s simply the difference between healthy and unhealthy self image.

The famous self development gurus will tell you that it’s all about mindset. Mindset is a buzz word and it’s not a very clear or descriptive one. You can’t get into the right mindset until you have a healthy self image. Mindset and self image are very closely related but with a deeper analysis and understanding we soon see that they are actually distance cousins.

Mindset is all about the way you think. Self image however is about how you see yourself and how you believe the rest of the world sees you. Once you have built a positive, confident and conducive self image, a positive mindset becomes a bi-product.

What Would I know?

To start with I was once a very scared and introverted individual with literally no confidence whatsoever. I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. I was (at least I thought I was) a total misfit destined to never have or do anything worthwhile. My life growing up was a pretty tough road and through environmental and physical conditioning I’d become a very detached and aggressive young man. I’d tremor and sweat just being in the same room as someone in a position of authority and lets not even talk about how I reacted to confrontation.

So what happened that made me see my full potential?

Obviously I read a lot of books on the subject. The thing that had the most impact and provided the most amount of information though is that I studied people, many different kinds of people. I watched them, I listened to them, I tried to learn as much as I could to understand what made them who they are and why they were so different to me. But I didn’t just study the ‘winners’ I also studied the ‘losers’.

From the discoveries I made, I learned how to appreciate myself, to identify and celebrate all the positive and unique things about me. My talents, my abilities, my skills and my nature.

I can tell you that it wasn’t easy. If you’re the type of person I used to be, then it’s much easier to accept that you are a misfit, and will never have more than you do now since that is what you have allowed your own perceptions of the world to convince you of.

Let’s face it though. If you honestly believed that then you wouldn’t still be searching for answers.

You Are a Machine

I like to use the analogy that you are much like a computer. Your body is the hardware, your subconscious is the hard drive, and your conscious mind is the RAM.

Since the day you were born you have been saving information on your hard drive. You received this information via the peripheral hardware (you eye’s and ears) which is then processed in RAM (your conscious thoughts) and over time your operating system (involuntary subconscious behaviors) has developed a profile for you based on the information  stored on your hard drive (your subconscious mind).

But at some point you’re RAM allowed infected information to be stored in your profile because you didn’t have any controls in place to prevent it from being saved. In fact no one even told you that you needed it. You allowed all information to be stored on the drive no matter if was good, bad or indifferent.

When you start up a program on your computer, all your settings are the way you left it last time. It doesn’t matter if those setting actually break things or mess up all the work that you’ve done, it simply loads what you have stored on your hard drive.

This is exactly how your subconscious mind works. Just like your computer, the only way to fix that is to clean out the infectious information and reprogram your stored profile to something that is useful and helpful to you. It takes time to rebuild your profile on your PC which is why most peoples computers are just as big of a mess as their mind is.

Just like your computer, if you leave it and don’t take any action, before you know it the computer takes longer to respond, won’t allow you to do the things you want to do, and eventually just stops working. All it ever gives you is a jumbled mess of useless information.

Once you know exactly how to clean out that virus and reprogram your profile, you soon begin to remember what it was that you once enjoyed or found useful about your computer and why you wanted it in the first place. By taking the same approach with your self image you can clean out that mess that you have stored in there and begin to get back in touch with the real you.

But there is one catch. You must have a genuine desire to make this work. You have to have the commitment to apply these methods every day for as long as it take. Even if that means for the rest of your life. You also need to have faith in the idea. I’m not asking you to believe me, just have faith and commit.

I can open the door, but you must walk through yourself.

Self Talk.

The key to building a healthy and positive self image, one that allows you to believe in yourself and your abilities, that allows you to accept and appreciate all the things that make you truly unique and important in this world comes down to one single solitary thing and that is your self talk.

Self talk refers to the little conversations you have in your mind. No you’re not crazy. Everyone does it. In fact I still remember the day I asked my mother if I was nuts because I was always talking to myself in my mind. If you have a busy mind like I do then the self talk is constant, unwavering and at times seemingly out of control.

Everything revolves around your self talk. So accept it now that you must become more aware of the things you say to yourself. When you find that you are thinking negatively about yourself, or others, literally say NO and replace it with the positive version of the same information. It will seem a little weird at first but once you get the hang of it then it will become a lot easier.

The language that you use in your self talk is critical to how you think about and react to any given situation. Start to replace all the negatives in your self talk with positives. For instance replace the phrase ‘I want to’ with ‘I am’, replace ‘I wish I could’ with ‘I can’ or ‘I will’ and replace ‘I can’t’ with ‘I can’ or ‘I should at least try’. Speak in the present tense rather than in the future.

Who’s In Control?

Remember the Loony Tunes cartoons with the little devil and the little angel sitting on each of Bugs Bunnies shoulders. Your mind works just like that. Your angel is your new self talk, and your devil is your subconscious trying to convince you that it’s all just nonsense. Who are you going to listen to?

Take time each day, several times a day, to remind yourself that your mind is your servant and you are in control. You must stop for a moment and use your self talk to tell yourself, literally tell yourself that you are in control of your mind.

Your subconscious is a bit of a control freak and at first, it won’t like you trying to take over. It doesn’t know any better because you have allowed it to be in control of you for all these years. So expect some resistance. It is normal that when you begin with these technique that various thoughts will pop into your mind trying to convince you that you are not in control or that this is silly.

You either chose to listen to it, and eventually give up. Or you’ll push it back at tell it how things are going to be from now on.

A Picture Paints 1000 Words

We think in pictures, and literally a single image in your mind can have a profound impact on your external world. Through our experiences of life we associate the physical: the things that take place in our physical world, with the psychological: the things we believe in our minds, reality or fantasy. It makes no difference because our subconscious can’t tell the difference between what is real and what is fantasy.

These are called neuro associations. It’s the way our mind attaches thoughts to images. The words we use, or hear, produce images in our minds. If you don’t believe think of something. Anything, it really doesn’t matter. What do you see in your minds eye? Do you see words, or do you see an image?

These images are based on our belief system. Our belief system is deeply ingrained in our subconscious.

Only by altering these images will you be able to improve your self image and have the success you are looking for in your life. Maybe you just want feel better about the way you look, perhaps it’s something you’ve always wanted to try. It doesn’t matter what it is you want, to achieve it you need to have the right images in your mind connecting to your thoughts about it.

So the task is to replace those negative, self sabotaging images, with positive self serving ones. The way to achieve that is to begin to take notice of the images in your mind.

Take Notice: In a quiet room, close your eyes and take notice of the images you see in your minds eye. You need to concentrate. This is not a visualisation technique, this is actually looking at what is really going on in your subconscious mind. You will probably see some really weird and crazy stuff. Take notice because this is your own program and you need to understand what’s going on in there.

Replacement: Once you have an understanding of what is going on in your mind, begin to think of something specific. It really doesn’t matter what it is but it should be related to the images you saw which was not what you expected to see. Now stay focused on the thought or idea and replace that image.

For example, perhaps when you think of yourself and money your image is of you always without the things you want. So find a picture on the internet of something you do want. Print it out in full color. Get a photo of yourself. Cut around your outline and paste yourself in front of your dream home.

Now start the whole excersize again but this time keep your eyes open. Focus on the exact same thoughts but look at the picture you just made. You are physically seeing yourself with the things you want. If you can physically see it then it’s a lot easier to accept it in your mind. Not only that, your subconcious doesn’t really know if this is real or fantasy. Now use those self talk techniques and start telling yourself that this really is you.

Maybe you want to find a husband but feel as though men don’t find you attractive. Same principle applies. Make a picture of you with a group of really handsome guys and you are the center of attention in that group. Apply the same techniques and you’ll get the same results.

Visualisation techniques are great but they’ll only work if you already have a healthy self image so forget visualistion for now and connect your mind to your physical world. You already tricked it once into thinking that you were less than you are. So trick it once again into believing that you are everything you want to be.

Get Emotional

Finally you must understand the relationship between your thoughts and emotions. We know, through scientific study that emotions are nothing more than the release of chemicals in the brain. The chemicals are released as a result of the thoughts in our mind. And as we’ve discussed these thoughts come from the ideas in our conscious mind.

Once a chemical is released it in turn effects the preceding thoughts. Those thoughts release more chemicals,  those chemicals produce more thoughts, I think you get the idea. It therefore stands to reason that if you fail to get emotional about all of the new ideas and thoughts in your mind while using these techniques then you won’t get much out of it.

Using our example of wanting to find a husband or just wanting to feel more attractive. While you look at the picture of yourself in the center of the group, try to feel the happiness, the satisfaction, the empowerment, the joy that would no doubt feel if you were actually there. Convince yourself that this image that you’re looking at actually took place, and connect with those emotions. Actually feel those emotions, force them if you have to.

The more emotionally attached you become when applying these techniques the more effective they will be and the quicker you will get results.

Affirmations

I know you’ve already heard plenty of talk about affirmations but they are so very critical to you building your self image. But I’m not talking about the typical self help guru stuff. If we think in images and the images come from the things we think of, then you need to fill mind with positive self talk and keep it busy. Your affirmations must be yours.

To find your own affirmations, no matter what it takes write a list of the 10 best things about you. Talk to yourself about you talent or ability. Now make a list of the top 10 things you’d like to change. Let’s say you have a bad temper. Your affirmation might be “I am a calm and patient person, I treat people with respect and kindness”. Maybe you have difficulty making new friends you might say ” I am a likable and friendly person, people enjoy my company “.

Whatever you decide on it must come from you. No one can tell you how to think and you will have an easier time accepting it.

During our lives we hear and see so much negativity from the minute we enter this world. No one ever takes the time to explain to us how to block out those negative influences. For some people, like me, there is no escape from the negativity until you reach maturity and live independently. By then it could be too late.

But understanding how your mind works and how it relates to your thoughts and emotions combined with some simple techniques can allow you to free yourself from the negative and self sabotaging influences that have held you back for so long.

Before you can have a positive mindset you need to be able to see yourself as being the person you want to be. Using these simple techniques will replace all the negative images you have of yourself with positive images that reinforce your thoughts of happiness, health and wealth. Once you chose to replace those old images the world will literally be at your feet.

Now it’s your time to be all you can be.

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Tags: confidence, loser, Mindset, self development, self image